Myspacedotcom

2006-04-25T15:28:00.000+01:00

Soil and "Pimp"!

Utterly awesome. Possibly the best gig ever.

2006-04-24T07:01:00.000+01:00

As the sun rises this morning, all the morning things are happening. A milk float has floated past a hundred times and early morning commuter trains are getting more regular by the minute. I've just finished what is probably my last essay ever after yet another all-nighter. I'm feeling a little melancholic. I've spent the last 11 years of my life being assessed on essays and such so this feels like (almost) the end of an era... Hopefully it will lead onto something equally as exciting... what an adventure!

2006-04-22T23:24:00.000+01:00

I seem to have developed a fantastic sense of calm at precisely the wrong time. I have an essay due in on Monday, which I have barely started, yet don't feel even remotely worried about it, and more relaxed than I have for weeks. Any other time I'd be eating my socks with anxiety. Instead, I just breathe out with a contemplative sigh and enjoy watching how my lampshade shadow interacts with my brilliant white wall. How mesmerising.

2006-04-22T20:53:00.000+01:00

I'm going to go see Soil & "Pimp" at the Jazz Cafe on monday night. Japanese 'thrash' jazz... awsome. Check out the videos on their discography. Tres Exicted.!

2006-04-21T15:51:00.000+01:00

This is even better. Frankie is in the top 4!

Amazing.

2006-04-20T21:04:00.000+01:00

I wrote a post today, and then spent a long time deciding whether or not I wanted to post it. So for now, it remains in my drafts, for my eyes only...

Arguably, this is much better than my post anyway.

2006-04-20T20:34:00.000+01:00

Here goes...

I want:

> To give without feeling the need for others to give back
> To enjoy life without fear of how other people will percieve me
> To not misinterpret my desires (thats not neccessarily a sexual thing)
> To sometimes put other people before myself
> To treat myself with respect and dignity - I should be more grateful of who I am

I dont want:
> people to jump to any conclusions if they read this.

Who said 'I want never gets'? I might like to prove them wrong.

2006-04-18T19:33:00.000+01:00

AND THE MEGAPHONE IS BACK IN THE FRIDGE.

2006-04-18T19:30:00.000+01:00

Today I'm trying to do an essay.

So far, I've wasted half a tube of hairgel, had 2 showers, watched 1 hour of childrens TV, written 1220 words on a christian message board for a church I am not part of

...and 59 words on my essay.

2006-04-18T17:10:00.000+01:00

I've just discharged about half a bottle of cheap hairgel onto my head. Now my hair looks a bit like this:

I'm begining to regret it now...

2006-04-18T02:10:00.000+01:00

perhaps I'm being a bit lazy today, but I thought I could sum up my feelings much better with a picture, courtesy of the lovely lovely engrish.com.

2006-04-16T14:49:00.000+01:00

Im thinking of starting a second blog, in which i post my (perhaps slightly edited) web history, or at least put on it urls of anything which I find interesting.

Yesterday, I found this very interesting.

Also, This never fails to cheer me up when I get down.

2006-04-16T14:13:00.000+01:00

A PARKING TICKET? £50? ON EASTER SUNDAY AT 9AM? OHHHHH, I AM VERY CROSS.

Perhaps I should learn to channel my anger into something more productive, now that would be useful... if a little idealistic.

I went out in Richmond last night (the town where I spent my school years), hadn't been out since new year but there were still plenty of friendly (and unfriendly) faces, some of whom I hadn't seen for a very long time. There is a big element of 'same old' when I go home now, and it is starting to feel quite detached from my daily routine. 'Home' home doesnt feel that much like home anymore and more like I am on holiday from 'Guildford' home, I guess thats because I havent spent more than a couple of weeks at home at any one time in three years. Still, its an odd feeling -best get used to it i guess.

Last night, I started off the night with 2 litre jugs of cocktail to myself, then some deisel followed by another couple of pints, at which point, just as I was about to order 4 Tequila Slammers, I thought 'Why am I doing this to myself?' and wished I'd saved £20 and didn't feel dizzy and slightly sick... so I just ordered a pint of water. Hurrah. Its the first time that I have got to that stage of drunkenness and thought 'my my, this is very silly', am I turning old, or is it just that the pub consisted mostly of overweight 30 year olds, so drunk they are unable to speak, properly control their bladder movements, and seem to have an overwhemling desire to start fights with walls, doors and chairs?

Im sure a few beers helps me to relax and have a good time, but it would be nice if I could do it without poisoning myself. I've never tried giving up drinking, maybe i should for a few days at least, and see if its possible to go out and have a good night without getting a hangover next morning.

2006-04-15T16:04:00.000+01:00

I have been listening to 'Kings of Convenience' a lot over the last few days. My mind feels a bit like a 'Kings of Convenience' track at the moment so it works fairly well. I often find I get a soundtrack going round in my head throughout the day. Sometimes it helps, it could be contemplative, rocky, or disco. I find show tunes are good for inspiring me to clean the bathroom; it acts a bit like an inbuilt walkman. Sometimes though, it’s thoroughly annoying and totally inappropriate. Perhaps the Macarena whilst buying fruit and veg late at night or Roni Size as I'm trying to get to sleep. What are other peoples' favourite and least-liked headsongs?

2006-04-14T16:42:00.000+01:00

On my wishlist: this

2006-04-13T18:34:00.000+01:00

I've undone the dirty and washed my comfort quilt. I little part of me cried as the washing machine filled up with soapy suds, but had more than come to terms with it and embraced the prospects of a clean quilt by the time it came to tumble dry...

I've been wondering whether there really is a word for every occasion today.

2006-04-13T02:01:00.000+01:00

On a lighter note, I'm having smelly quilt related issues at the moment...

Let me explain before you are too repulsed.

We have a snuggle-up style quilt in our lounge, and its really nice to curl up under when watching a dvd etc. But since its been there all year, and had its fair share of randoms sleeping under it and redwine and supernoodle splillages, its getting a bit whiffy. The problem is that I've got quite attached to it. On sunday, I was feeling a bit wierded RE last post, and spent a lot of time curled underneath said quilt. Since then though, I seem to have developed an affinity with the quilt and have been spending more and more time with it. I slept with the quilt for the first time on monday night, and even though I swore it would only be one night, I can't give it up. Now I am 250 miles away from uni, I brought the quilt with me to wash, but its sneaked itslef onto my nice clean home bed, still as yet unwashed. I'm a bit worried a) that it just won't be the same clean, and b) about my head.

2006-04-13T00:40:00.000+01:00

A fresh page, the first ever post, and predictably I can't think of anything worth saying. It seems everyone who is everyone is doing this blogging thing, I've been generally putting it off but I think its about time I give it a go.

That’s maybe because I think perhaps I do have a few things to say... (Contradicted myself within the first 5 lines of my new blog, hurray)

The end of uni is looming for me at the moment, and it’s dawned on me that I need to work out what to do. For the first time I really have no idea what I will be doing in the quite near future, which terrifies me. It seems to have prompted me to have lots of deep thoughts on the meaning of life, and more specifically, the meaning of my life.

Perhaps for the first time, I have devoted some serious thinking time to religion. That isn't to say that I have developed a belief in (a) God, but am finding exploring the possibility is taking up a considerable amount of my daily thinking time. Being brought up atheist style-ee, I had never given it much consideration up until now, but for some reason its been praying (I'm so very, very sorry) on my mind for the last couple of weeks. I guess its pretty hard to avoid thinking about if you're considering life's meaning and such. I haven't exactly found any conclusions (no surprise) but I'm definitely warming to the idea of having a faith even though I'm very sceptical I could ever have one. The key ingredient seems to be God, and I think that is where I currently trip up. Supposedly accessible to all, maybe they should consider stocking it (him?her?) in Tescos. I could rant on about my thoughts on this forever, but I won't. If anyone finds this remotely interesting, or wants to challenge or convert me over a refreshing cup of delicious tea, then feel free.

A sore point for me is not about faith or belief, but its interpretation in so many religions. Obviously, there are lots of issues here, but one that has been particularly bugging me this last week. For those who don’t know (and those who do), I’m gay. Now, I’ve only really been looking at Christianity this last few weeks (I’m postponing Buddhism till May), and it seems there are lots of mixed views about gayers (or homosexual offenders…) many of which offend me and encourage views that are certainly in part responsible for a feeling of extreme isolation which dominated a large proportion of my life (c.1994-2001). I read a chapter in a book a few days ago buy a guy called Nicky Gumbel, who is the big chief at the top of the Alpha course, which (I’ve been doing my research) currently has 25,000 courses running- designed to promote christianity. Summing up the chapter on ‘homosexuality’ , gay sex is a sin, gayness should be suppressed and if possible cured, oh…. and lesbian are rare. This book was only published 3 years ago. I’m quite shocked by the narrow-mindedness of these views and perhaps more so that its even legal to publish such ludicrous ideas, never mind promote them to the thousands of students starting uni every year in alpha courses aimed at introducing new (and vulnerable) students to Christianity. There is an interesting article that I might have borrowed some of these ideas from here.

What have I drawn from all this? Well I’m now questioning whether I should have started even questionig all this… but I might save that for another post :-)