Soil and "Pimp"!

Utterly awesome. Possibly the best gig ever.

As the sun rises this morning, all the morning things are happening. A milk float has floated past a hundred times and early morning commuter trains are getting more regular by the minute. I've just finished what is probably my last essay ever after yet another all-nighter. I'm feeling a little melancholic. I've spent the last 11 years of my life being assessed on essays and such so this feels like (almost) the end of an era... Hopefully it will lead onto something equally as exciting... what an adventure!

I seem to have developed a fantastic sense of calm at precisely the wrong time. I have an essay due in on Monday, which I have barely started, yet don't feel even remotely worried about it, and more relaxed than I have for weeks. Any other time I'd be eating my socks with anxiety. Instead, I just breathe out with a contemplative sigh and enjoy watching how my lampshade shadow interacts with my brilliant white wall. How mesmerising.

I'm going to go see Soil & "Pimp" at the Jazz Cafe on monday night. Japanese 'thrash' jazz... awsome. Check out the videos on their discography. Tres Exicted.!

This is even better. Frankie is in the top 4!

Amazing.

I wrote a post today, and then spent a long time deciding whether or not I wanted to post it. So for now, it remains in my drafts, for my eyes only...

Arguably, this is much better than my post anyway.

Here goes...

I want:

> To give without feeling the need for others to give back
> To enjoy life without fear of how other people will percieve me
> To not misinterpret my desires (thats not neccessarily a sexual thing)
> To sometimes put other people before myself
> To treat myself with respect and dignity - I should be more grateful of who I am

I dont want:
> people to jump to any conclusions if they read this.


Who said 'I want never gets'? I might like to prove them wrong.

AND THE MEGAPHONE IS BACK IN THE FRIDGE.

Today I'm trying to do an essay.

So far, I've wasted half a tube of hairgel, had 2 showers, watched 1 hour of childrens TV, written 1220 words on a christian message board for a church I am not part of

...and 59 words on my essay.

I've just discharged about half a bottle of cheap hairgel onto my head. Now my hair looks a bit like this:












I'm begining to regret it now...

perhaps I'm being a bit lazy today, but I thought I could sum up my feelings much better with a picture, courtesy of the lovely lovely engrish.com.

Im thinking of starting a second blog, in which i post my (perhaps slightly edited) web history, or at least put on it urls of anything which I find interesting.

Yesterday, I found this very interesting.

Also, This never fails to cheer me up when I get down.

A PARKING TICKET? £50? ON EASTER SUNDAY AT 9AM? OHHHHH, I AM VERY CROSS.

Perhaps I should learn to channel my anger into something more productive, now that would be useful... if a little idealistic.

I went out in Richmond last night (the town where I spent my school years), hadn't been out since new year but there were still plenty of friendly (and unfriendly) faces, some of whom I hadn't seen for a very long time. There is a big element of 'same old' when I go home now, and it is starting to feel quite detached from my daily routine. 'Home' home doesnt feel that much like home anymore and more like I am on holiday from 'Guildford' home, I guess thats because I havent spent more than a couple of weeks at home at any one time in three years. Still, its an odd feeling -best get used to it i guess.

Last night, I started off the night with 2 litre jugs of cocktail to myself, then some deisel followed by another couple of pints, at which point, just as I was about to order 4 Tequila Slammers, I thought 'Why am I doing this to myself?' and wished I'd saved £20 and didn't feel dizzy and slightly sick... so I just ordered a pint of water. Hurrah. Its the first time that I have got to that stage of drunkenness and thought 'my my, this is very silly', am I turning old, or is it just that the pub consisted mostly of overweight 30 year olds, so drunk they are unable to speak, properly control their bladder movements, and seem to have an overwhemling desire to start fights with walls, doors and chairs?

Im sure a few beers helps me to relax and have a good time, but it would be nice if I could do it without poisoning myself. I've never tried giving up drinking, maybe i should for a few days at least, and see if its possible to go out and have a good night without getting a hangover next morning.